New Connections

I was at the city prayer gathering today and Jeremiah Abel read out from Eph. 5:13-20. A couple of verses stood out to me as I listened and then read it over in my Bible:

15 Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise,
16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.
17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.
18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.
19 Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord,
20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ

The passage in verse 18 is a long time favorite because it speaks of being continually filled with the Spirit. As I read on I was struck by v. 20 and the call to always be giving thanks to God, because just yesterday I felt the Lord speaking to me about the great need I have to grow in thankfulness. This morning as I read these verses I sensed God showing me that the two things are very much connected: Being filled with the Spirit and living a life of continual thankfulness.

I am very often a 'cup half empty' type of person. Translated more bluntly, I think that means I'm an unthankful person. I'm just not very good at it (there I go again!)

I usually have thought about being filled with the Spirit in different terms than being continually thankful. Yet the apostle Paul seems to mention the need for thankfulness over and over again (i.e. Col. 2:17 & 1 Thess. 5:18)

I realize that I have some real stereotypes in my head surrounding exhortations to thankfulness and that I need to purge myself of.

That will be quite a process, but for now I'll just say 'thanks' to God for showing me some new connections about being filled with the Spirit.

Standing

Last night I had the image in my mind (not a vision) to me being in a shelter and then making the choice to walk outside of the shelter wearing only a pair of shorts. When I did so, dozens of birds suddenly descended on me and furiously pecked at me; they didn't kill me but I was a bloody mess when they were done, as I attempted to crawl back to the shelter.

For me this is a spiritual picture of my choosing to leave the secret place and not having any covering (such as the armor of God).
I do so at my own peril. I've done it before and yet somehow do it again. Such decisions defy logic and reason.

the end.

IHOP intercession - Cory Russell

Click to Play

Cory Russell prays for San Francisco at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City

Feeling like Crap

Today my wife feels like crap. She had a couple of students drop out of one of her classes and she feels like it's her fault; now she's feeling terrible about herself as a teacher (as if she needed to feel like that more often!!)

I can't stand the pressure that the schools put on teachers to pump out kids with great grades. There's so much pressure on teachers... what about the STUDENTS? In my day, if you got lousy grades it was your own bloody fault. The teacher might be a dud (and I had some, let me tell you) but if I got 55% as a final mark, it was MY responsibility.

Today... NOOOO!!!! It's the responsibility of the teachers to make sure that little Mikey get a good grade. We wouldn't want him to fail, even if he skips lots of classes and doesn't even turn in assignments, because we don't want to bruise his precious self esteem.

Today if you want to be able to teach the top level subjects you have to be turn out students who get honors... no matter what. Otherwise it's on your head and you feel like a lousy teacher.

I'm tired of watching my wife work her ass off week after week, working hours and hours making exams and marking and creating assignments only to end up feeling like crap because little mary jane hardly does any work in class and then wonders why she's not getting honors!

I don't think that kids are simply entitled to get good grades; and I don't think that we should expect that every kid is going to get great grades. I was lousy at math in school. I got really average grades in math and guess what: I didn't snivel about it and blame it on my teacher. I'm not good at math. Plain and simple. Not everybody is good at math!

So here's a novel idea: let's evaluate teachers through observing their classes and factoring in ALL the student evaluations, rather than simply looking at the specific grades themselves. Let's have some balance between responsibility on the teacher AND responsibility on the students.

Maybe then we'll have less days like today.

Obama

How could today go by without a blog post on the swearing in of Barak Obama as President?

I'll say up front that I'm pretty impressed by Obama and think he's going to be able to be an agent of new direction in the States.
(so any negative comments about Obama, such as accusations that's he a muslim or the antichrist, will NOT be published on this blog so don't even bother)

What has struck me about Obama winning the election is the power of hope. I think that what will be agent of change in America will not be Obama's decisions as much as the new found sense of hope and optimism that so many Americans feel. So in a sense, change already has come to America (to coin Obama's catch phrase).

It's interesting how things affect us. You can see it when the weather changes and becomes warm, or when the amount a daylight begins to increase. People respond to these things and usually become more positive about life.

I'm not saying that Obama's decisions don't matter; of course they will. What I am saying is that perhaps some of the most important impact has already been seen. Some will argue that the mood of the American people will most certainly change; George Bush's approval was great after 9/11, but has sunk to historic lows. There will indeed be some downward shifts in public opinion for Obama. No question about that.

Obama has a charm and charisma that, in my opinion, George Bush lacked. Obama has a relational manner about him that puts people at ease. Some find this alarming, but the majority of people resonate with it and respond positively, as evidenced by today's events.

For the sake of the America and indeed the entire world, I hope very much that Obama is successful in being able to bring change to the States, both domestically and abroad.

I wish him well.

Ponderings & Comparisons

This weekend was interesting.

On Saturday night Pam and I went out for dinner and then to a movie:

We drove to the theatre where we drove around for a while in search of a parking spot amidst the numerous cars. Then we went inside and found a seat (okay, I DID stand in line for popcorn!), and sat in a large room filled with a lot of people. When we took our seats we said hello to someone that Pam knew who was sitting in front of us. We enjoyed the movie and when it was over we put on our coats and walked out and back to our car and drove home.

On Sunday morning Pam and I went to church:

We drove to the church where we drove around for a while in search of a parking spot amidst the numerous cars. Then we went inside and found a seat (no popcorn available!), and sat in a large room filled with a lot of people. When we took our seats we said hello to some people that we knew who were sitting around us. We enjoyed the service and when it was over we put on our coats and walked out and back to our car and drove home.

While the point I'm making is obvious, the entire weekend experience has left me pondering many things:
(note: in no way am I being critical of the church that we went to. this commentary is more a personal one about my own state of being)

1) I wrestle with feeling that I am now a 'consumer' of a church experience. Was the church service just some kind of religious entertainment that I consumed in much the same manner as the movie?

2) Is this the way that most people experience church? It's quite a new position to be in and not one that I'm particularly enjoying.

3) How much of church services are designed to simply get people in the doors? Meaning, do we cater to this consumer mentality? I'm not so naive as to believe that this wasn't the situation at The Canopy. No, the same stuff was happening, but wow is it a wake-up call to experience it this way! Yuk!!

4) I know that we're on the fringe of this church. We're not involved or invested in it. We've got a great small group but it's from The Canopy, so it's totally separate. I'm not leading or serving in any way. So I'm on the fringe and it's a really hard place to be. I'm left feeling like some kind of spiritual leech.

5) It's hard right now to get excited about going to church. This is a totally new experience for me. I'm suddenly making mental evaluations about the service, the kids ministry, the service time, the available parking, and of all things the sermon, etc. etc. As I'm having all these thoughts in my head, suddenly the other side of my brain kicks in and says, "What the hell are you thinking? What's wrong with you?" Having spent the last 10 years of my life working in a church and strongly disliking such consumeristic mindsets, I am amazingly finding myself on the other side of the fence! (and clearly NOT liking it)

Well I think that's enough for now. I could keeping going, but these posts really shouldn't go on and on...

At this point all I have is some observations of my own experience but no real idea what exactly they mean.

More musings later!

Well...

Well a few people have emailed some thoughts about the previous post on 'you troubler of Israel'.

Strangely enough I've been distracted by other things and haven't had much time to think and pray on it. (how's that for sad!!)

Yesterday was quite a hard day for me. Beth and I spend the entire day cleaning up the remnant of stuff at The Canopy and it was the last time we would ever be in that space. It's funny that spaces are so important. People today love to say how the church isn't a building; I understand what they are saying, but the reality for me right now is that the physical space known to most people as 'The Canopy' has been very important to me. Lots of memories.... good memories... mostly.

Today I will give in my pass-card and key. There's nothing there anymore. Just memories. I can take those with me.

I don't want to sugarcoat the memory of The Canopy. The last couple of years have been hard. Really hard. And towards the end it was quite painful. That pain is over now, but a new kind of pain, a mourning has taken its place. I'll take the mourning though, as it will, in time pass.

Jesus do you really comfort those who mourn?

God, will you really turn my mourning into dancing?

Lord, will you really bring restoration to my soul?

a thought in my brain

Tonight as I was coming home from a very good conversation with a friend of mine, a phrase came into my head: "you troubler of Israel".

I was pretty sure it was from the life of Elijah the prophet and I just looked it up and sure enough, it is:

So Obadiah went to meet Ahab and told him, and Ahab went to meet Elijah. When he saw Elijah, he said to him, “Is that you, you troubler of Israel?” “I have not made trouble for Israel,” Elijah replied. “But you and your father’s family have. You have abandoned the LORD’s commands and have followed the Baals. Now summon the people from all over Israel to meet me on Mount Carmel. And bring the four hundred and fifty prophets of Baal and the four hundred prophets of Asherah, who eat at Jezebel’s table.” So Ahab sent word throughout all Israel and assembled the prophets on Mount Carmel. Elijah went before the people and said, “How long will you waver between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him.”
1 Kings 18:16-21

The conversation with my friend was a powerful God conversation and I left with my spirit quite stirred. As I travelled home I felt there were some things God was bringing together which I won't go into here, but it was in that context that the phrase 'you troubler of Israel' came to my mind.

There is much to process in all of this...

It's time

Well it's time to get back to the world of blogging.

I took a break for the past while because I simply couldn't think of anything to blog about. Certainly there was lots to say and I was not lacking in thoughts and questions, but most of them were too private and personal for the internet! (I like blogs but I'm still a fairly private person and utterly refuse to allow this blog to be some sort of public journal for anybody to peer at... obviously there is a 'journal' dimension to any blog, but I do have my limits)

On that note, here is a bit of a 'journal style' blog update:

I am now unemployed and spend much of today applying for work.

The last 2 weeks have still been filled with many Canopy things: as with the death of a family member, so too it is with the death of a church community. There are all sorts of things to be cleaned up and details to be seen to and loose ends to be tied up. It's a process that seems to prolong the pain of death, but that's just part of life.

This Thursday will, in all likelihood, be the final day of it all for me. I will have removed all my belongings, cleaned up the last bits and turned in my key. That will be hard. There will be a finality to closing the door for the last time that I am sure will hit me.

This past weekend our small group went out of town together for good time away. It was a lot of fun, (although I'm still trying to remove the mothball smell from my clothes...LOL) On Sunday we had a 'cleaning bee' at The Canopy, which also was really good. So its felt a lot like things are still continuing, even though they are not.

It's strange getting up in the morning and not rushing off to the church or meeting with people in the day. Today I spent down in my new 'study' at home and didn't talk to anyone. I had lunch alone. I drank tea, applied for jobs and enjoyed the warmth of my space heater in my study.

I've applied for employment insurance, but there's a 6-8 week processing period. Hopefully I'll have something figured out by then...

I think I'll leave it there for now, but hopefully I'll get back into blogging and be able to share some of my other, more normal kind of thoughts.

Leaning

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?

My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”

These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and
my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you...

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.

By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me--a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God my Rock, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?”

My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, “Where is your God?”

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.

Psalm 42

Mondays

I like Mondays. Sunday is over and a new week is beginning. There aren't too many pressures on Mondays (they come later on in the week).

I'm a person who likes to reflect a lot on life and Mondays are my day to do that. I usually take time to write in my journal while enjoying a cup of tea. Today it's more likely going to be over a cup of hot chocolate because I have a couple of free drinks coming to me at Starbucks and so I feel the need to get the most expensive drink I can!

My friend Chad gave me a jar of honey about a month ago. It was really good but now I'm sad because all the honey is gone. I wonder if this is the season for honey? I fear that not every season is a season for honey. But is that really true? What about the figs? What point was Jesus making when he became upset that there were no figs on the tree, despite it not being the season for figs? I think that there should be honey available year round!

And where do you go to get honey? Would it not be in the same isle as oil? Sure, you can get go and grab a jar of honey in most stores, but I don't just want any ol' honey! I want the really good stuff! (shun-dy) You can't just run around the corner and get the really good stuff.

I seem to go through phases. Sometimes I'm in a honey phase and there's nothing better than a good peanut butter and honey sandwich! You eat one and then you want another, but by the time you eat the second one, you kind of realize that your eyes might be bigger than your stomach. That's the problem with honey: it always leaves you wanting more. Discontentedly content!

But then I go through a phase where I'm not quite as into the honey as I was before. Never sure what causes the switch. However, all it takes is for me to have another PB&H and I remember all over again how good the honey really is!

Did you know that a colony of bees will eat between 100 and 120 pounds of honey in a single year? Looking at that from a weight ratio perspective, those bees are consuming several times their own weight in honey! They're really drinkin' in the honey!!

Anyway, it seems I'm out of honey. Chad says he'll get me some more. In the meantime I'll reflect a bit longer about where the honey has gone and what can be done about it. I know that honey needs to be cultivated. Maybe I should be a bee. Then I'd be swirlin' in the honey! (but then bees are dying off at a very alarming rate, so maybe being a bee wouldn't be the best thing right now! say that 5 times in a row!!)

Well, I'm off to Chapters for my drink. I'm not sure now if I'll end up having the hot chocolate or not. I might get my Earl Grey tea.... I always put a generous helping of honey in my tea!
:)

slow

Do you ever have a day where you're just moving slow?
Some days it's physical, some days it's not.
Today is one of those days...

Anyway, so I'm working on message for this coming Sunday about God and loneliness.

We actually entitled it 'God and being alone', but as I've come closer to the message I realize that was the wrong title. It's about loneliness and that's different than 'being along' It's a challenging topic. (okay, so the entire series is challenging!)

We're surrounded by people a lot of the time and yet so many people feel lonely. It's a longing for deeper relationships, in a facebook world that excels at shallow ones. It's like we've become so mistrusting of people and society in general, that it is becoming more and more difficult to actually have deep meaningful friendships.

Take blogs for instance (since you're reading one!):
Some people use them as public diaries, and simply spew unfiltered thoughts onto the world-wide web for anyone to see. On one level I understand the attraction. There is a desire to vent one's spleen on a regular basis. Many times I have wanted to blog but I simply have not had anything appropriate to blog about! (especially as a pastor, one has to be careful about what one writes in public forums) The problem with using blogs for deeply personal stuff is that there's no discretion being used in terms of who you are venting to. It's like you're trying to share your life with others but from a safe, often anonymous distance.

I've been doing some interesting reading about how people are exploring links between loneliness and issues like depression and addiction. One author wrote that we have bred a generation of isolation. We keep the people around us at a distance. "Never let them see you sweat", right? Remember that TV ad?

A friend of mine was commenting on how many people think that 'nobody understands me', and how in his mind, this is a load of crap. It may well be a load, but the point underlying it seems to be a longing people have to be understood.

There's little point in decrying the evils of technology that are facilitating our own isolation tendencies. We're social people, so we will inevitably be drawn into social settings. The problem is that we seem to be losing our abilities to socialize in meaningful ways. Increasingly people struggle to be truly vulnerable with any close friends, or even to have close friends.

The unfortunate part of human relationships is that it's inevitable that we're going to get hurt from time to time. Each time we do it often makes it more difficult for us in the future because we don't want to get hurt again.

The result in a loneliness that is pervasive in our society.

So that's about it for now.

Too Good

My friend Al shared a book with me called "This Beautiful Mess" by Rick McKinley who is the pastor of the immensely popular church Imago Dei, in Portland Oregon. It's a big church now but he writes about the humble beginnings in the following quote. It's set in a larger context, but for right now, I'll just include the story.

For obvious reasons, I think this is a fantastic quote and I laughed very hard when I read it.

I am a church planter, which simply means that I started my church. At Imago Dei Community, we started from nothing and have grown to a decent-sized little church. You know what makes a church planter depressed on a Monday morning? Low attendance or a low offering the day before. If the poor pastor happens to get hit by both, he may need to be put on suicide watch.

For the person attending a young church, the perspective is different. Let's say that person is you. This week you decided to go to church. But come Sunday, you decide not to. You have a birthday party to deal with. Or a relative to visit. A bunch of friends are going snowboarding. Real life stuff. Anyway, you think your church decision is yours to make, and no one else really cares.

But someone-the pastor- cares, and I am sad to admit it's not always about your spiritual well-being, though that concern is down there somewhere. Nickels and noses. Levels. That's what makes or breaks Sundays for most people starting a church.
I remember one Sunday when we were first starting out. We only had about thirty people. We met on Sunday evenings in a Baptist church that was kind enough to rend us space cheap. That particular Sunday also happened to be the seventh game of the NBA championship, and Portland was playing LA for the title. As you can guess, I was in for a kick in the groin.

We sat in a darkened room with candles lit. Seemed like an artistic, atmospheric thing to do. But when I stood up to preach to twelve young women who didn't care if Portland won or lost or that Portland even has an NBA team, it felt more like a funeral for a bunch of sorority sisters whose cat had been hit by a car.

That night we slid from thirty to twelve, and even though rationally I could tell you why our turnout was low, my heart was reeling. Here I was, trying to jump to the next attendance level, and our church had slid. A 60 percent drop in one week. Where was God? What did I do wrong? Why were we both failing?

I love the story, but I also love the title of the book, 'This Beautiful Mess'. The church is a mess. It's easy to write off local churches; there are a million and one different reasons... some reasonable, others not.

However, it's refreshing to hear someone like McKinley express the tension: the church is a mess, but it still is beautiful.

Talking Snakes

Today a new movie hits theaters called 'Religulous'. It's a 'documentary', or more correctly a 'mockumentary' on organized religion starring everyone's favorite sarcastic comedian Bill Maher. I have not seen this movie and have no real interest in seeing it, however as I read the review in the Edmonton Journal today, I was irritated enough to blog about it.

According to the review, Maher's main goal in the movie is to create doubt in people about the foundations of religion, obviously in context of sarcastic attempts at humor. One summary of the movie says "Religulous describes religious ideas, beliefs, or claims that are patently absurd, comical, or ridiculous"

One of his main issues focuses around the Genesis narrative of the garden of Eden and the presence of a talking snake, which seems to Maher to be a classic example of the ridiculous nature of religion.

While the movie is a 'comedy' of sorts, seeing a trailer for it was enough to get my undies in a bunch because it makes clear that the film does have more serious undertones. With that in mind, I offer some of my own thoughts on the 'talking snake' narrative:

1) The presence of a talking snake is not the central idea or purpose of the passage, and to focus on it is to miss the entire theological thought that is being developed.

2) What is being developed is the theological truth that God is the one who sets the terms in His relationship to humans. We don't get to set the terms. We may not like it, but that's simply the way it is. Deal with it.

3) Another major point is that of choice. While God sets the terms, he allows us choice in terms of how we respond.

4) The last major point I'll mention is that we humans don't get the change the consequences later on. Again, we may not like the terms, but God sets them and we don't get to change them. Period.

Why is this so significant? Quite simply because these same principles apply in the matter of salvation through Christ. God has set the terms for salvation: Jesus Christ alone. No other name. We don't get to set the terms. We do however get to choose how we respond to those terms. Free will. Finally, we don't get to change the consequences later on. People can be as angry about them as they like, but that doesn't change the fact: God sets the terms and we don't get to change them. Period.

Those are some really major theological premises and to trivialize the narrative of the garden by focusing on how 'ridiculous' we find the idea of a talking snake, simply reveals a complete ignorance of the purpose of the story.

Anyway, it feels better to get that off my chest; certainly my undies feel better! So that's my theological rambling for today. The end.

Time

Time is one of those subjects that I just can't get my mind around. Specifically time management.

I'm looking at the assortment of books that I have on my desk, the majority of which are ones that are there because I really want to read them. Or do I? Somehow they sit there and I keep allowing myself to do other things: some things are urgent and thus I'm caught up in the 'tyranny of the urgent'; other times I'm just getting caught up in other activities. Reading is something I have to make time for; it doesn't just naturally happen (much to the horror of my wife, who is a book-aholic).

Have you ever wondered what it means to honestly like something and want to do it, yet somehow it doesn't actually happen in your life? Some would argue that it means it's not a value in your life. One the one hand I understand that, but on the other, I know what it is to really want to do something, but not get around to it, so I'm hesitant to dogmatically say 'it's not a real value'.

I think everybody has areas like that in life. For some it's exercise, for others it's scrap-booking, for others it's going to church or praying, or like me, it's reading.

Last night I didn't sleep very well at all. I've often thought about how much time we spend sleeping, and how much more we could do and experience if we didn't need to sleep. Think of all the reading I could do if I didn't need to sleep.

Strictly Business Pt. II

Many years ago, as I was studying 1 Thessalonians 2:8 the Lord spoke to me the following phrase: 'Whom you would change, you must first love'.

You can see in Scripture that Paul was passionately committed to helping people to grow in spiritual maturity (change) and seeing churches grow up into the 'fullness of Christ'. His first letter to the Corinthian church clearly shows how much that congregation needed to learn and grow into related to the gospel of Christ. In short, there was a lot of change needed in the people of Corinth and the apostle knew it.

There isn't a day that goes by that I am not confronted with some area of my life that needs change, as I seek to live a life that is worthy of the Lord (1 Thess. 2:12).

Some would argue that we don't bring about change; God brings about change. Okay. I agree. However, we are very often his agents of change in this world. Quite clearly Paul sought to teach and instruct in order to bring about change. "We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ." (Col. 1:28) That's change folks!

I'm not saying that loving people is separate or distinct from helping to lead them toward change; the problem is that often when change does not occur then discouragement and frustration with can be stirred up, either towards ourselves or others we are working with.

I believe it was about this reality that the Lord was speaking to me about when I sensed him say, 'Whom you would change, you must first love'.

So the first priority needs to be on love for people and then the priority of being an agent of change (in this case meaning spiritual maturity). It's a matter of having things in the right order. When they are not in the right order, then it can lead to discouragement and frustration.

Another aspect of all this that I find very challenging is applying this to myself! I am remarkably good at getting all this mixed up when it comes to myself. I am often frustrated and discouraged with myself and the areas of my life that need to be brought into alignment with Christ. The idea of 'loving myself' can feel at odds with Biblical ideas of self-sacrifice and self-denial, but that is not the case. We must have a healthy and appropriate love for ourselves.

By this point, I've strayed off course from my original intent with the post 'strictly business'. That point was that it's very risky to love people because you often end up getting hurt. That's why I find Paul's words, 'we loved you so much that...' in 1 Thess. 1:8 to be so amazing.

It's easier to relate to people on a 'strictly business' level. It's less messy and lower risk, but it is NOT what God calls us to.

Strictly Business

There's a great line from one of my favorite movies, The Godfather: "It's not personal, it's strictly business'. It's a powerful line about not allowing personal sentiment and emotion to influence sound judgement. It sounds good, but often it's hard to do.

In stark contrast to that is a statement the apostle Paul wrote to the Thessalonian church:

We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.
1 Thess. 2:8

It's a little warm and fuzzy for me, but the point is clear: for Paul, it was personal!

It's an incredible statement to me. Think of all the churches that Paul travelled to and was involved with; think of how busy he was; think about how radically committed he was, not only to the introductory message of the gospel of salvation, but also to seeing the church grow into spiritual maturity!

That phrase, 'we loved you so much...' is a huge challenge to actually live out. When it is, you end up with deep and powerful community, but you also take some real risks because your heart is on the line. It's the very thing that Michael Corleone, in The Godfather, was working to avoid.

As a Christian, I am compelled to strive to follow Paul's example. It's an incredible goal to pursue and one that continually challenges me.

Near & Far

Like many people throughout history I wonder why God often feels near by and yet far away. There are times in prayer and worship when I sense the Presence of God quite clearly and times when I sense His voice and direction. And yet there are other times when I feel very much alone and wonder where exactly God is at. There are circumstances that I pray about and very little seems to change; there are issues where His direction seems shrouded in mystery.

There are times when I feel God leading the way and dynamically at work in my life and yet there are others when it feels like God has gone on vacation or put his MSN/ichat on 'Be right back'!

This has been the experience of multitudes throughout church history, including King David and the other Psalmists. Certainly that is why so many of the Psalms bring comfort in such challenging times.

All this has led me to recent meditation on Psalm 43

2You are God my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?
3 Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell.
4 Then will I go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the harp, O God, my God.
5 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.

Previously in Psalm 42 (which traditionally is considered the first half of Ps. 43), the Psalmist asks "Why have you forgotten me?" (v. 9). Then is Ps. 43:2, he says that he feels that he has been rejected by God and oppressed by the enemy. He cries out for the Lord to cause His light to shine and His truth to guide him, and asks God to lead Him to His holy mountain, which is a reference to God's Presence (it's also a clear reference to the House of Prayer, but hey, that's for another post!).

The Psalm is concluded with a confident assertion that the Psalmist will experience God's nearness and will respond with joy and delight and worship. He ends with a recurring statement to stop feeling sorry for himself and remember to trust in God.

I love the Psalms because they're so dramatic. Some might say melodramatic! I'm a melodramatic kind of person, so I connect very easily with statements of feeling rejected by God and then turning around and stating that God is my joy and delight!

So which is it? Is God near or is He far? I believe that the answer is that we experience Him as both near and far. It's not at all satisfying an answer, but given the testimony of Scripture itself, that has been the experience of countless people and seems to be the way God chooses to reveal Himself!

Some people have become so tired of this kind of roller coaster experience of faith that they have chosen to get off the ride entirely. While I understand that temptation, I am 'haunted' by the reality expressed in Psalm 42:7

7 Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.
8 By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me--a prayer to the God of my life.

It's that experience which causes me to continually pursue God...when He feels near and even when He feels far.

No Other Name

I'm here at House of Prayer Edmonton. It's 1:30 a.m. and as I've been praying I sensed the Spirit speak to me about the power of the name of Jesus.

Consider the following verses:

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth
Php. 2:10

Salvation is found in no-one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.
Acts 4:12

Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name--the name you gave me...
John 17:11

It is no wonder that the name of Jesus has been made to be a curse word that is on the lips of multiplied thousands in Edmonton and around the world.

How amazing that Jesus would pray and ask for the Father's hand of protection over the disciples through the power of His name! That the name of Jesus would push back and destroy the devil's work and result in protection over the hearts and minds of people... Incredible!

Of course I'm not saying that the name of Jesus is some kind of magical formula... nothing could be further from the truth!

But there IS power in the name of Jesus; the man Christ Jesus; the lamb of God who was slain and who purchased men for God!

Jesus, you are the King of Kings and your name is the highest and the best. You are Savior and Lord and I love you!

Lately

Lately I've been getting back into the fall routine of life with Pam and the kids. Pam's coaching the swim team again and the kids are in sports again and I'm still running quite a bit. It all makes for a busy schedule and a lot of laundry!

Lately I've been trying some different things in my spiritual walk with God and it's going pretty well, but I'm also discovering that God is responding by causing a lot of internal issues to bubble up to the surface. Thus at times it feels like life has become more difficult than before, and yet I don't desire to go back; I must press through and into new things God has for me.

Lately I've been praying in tongues quite more than ever before. Not hours a day or anything; more like just daily. It works well in the car because you can't analyze too much about it when you're driving.

Lately I've found myself noticing motorcycles more than ever before. Perhaps that's because my friend Eric is now a 'biker'. Regardless, I'm also finding that I can't stand all those really loud obnoxious motorcycles that are on the road. Some of them are deafeningly loud. Perhaps that makes me sound old.

Lately I've been thinking that less is more.

Lately I've been wanting less than more.

Lately I've been finding that time flies by and I wish I had more of it. What would I do if I had more time? Why am I not doing those things now?

Lately I've been reading a book to the kids that I really enjoyed when I was a kid. It's been fun to read the story again; it comes back to me as I read it, but I can't remember what's going to happen next, so it's kind of even better than the first times I read it!

Lately I've been trying to be more organized, but not finding as much success as I would like.

Lately.... well, I'd better go now or I'll be late