Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Tumbling Ground


"Trying to find a place
where I can hide away.

Please excuse me, I'm not doin' well today.
Trying to hide so desperately
the darkness of my soul

I feel like I'm failing
I'm being tossed about
There's a hole in my trampoline
I'm falling down

I'm in the place again
where the heart gives up it's dead

There is a place where tears fall
but make no sound
on God's rough tumbling ground"

-Kevin Prosch & The Black Peppercorns




"Please give me some hope
today
Have you ever been alone all by yourself
Even when someone else is near you
Sometimes they seem so far away
And nothing can comfort you

I know sometimes you win
but most of the time I get this feelin' that I'm losing.

And the cruel cruel lessons of loneliness...
I believe this must be my portion of life

Dear God make me a leaf today
cause deep inside there's so much pain
so maybe I could float away
while the wind is old and still at play

I know sometimes you win
but most of the time I get this feelin' that I'm losing..."

-Kevin Prosch & The Black Peppercorns

Monday, January 29, 2007

Row C

Little did I know that my earlier entry would prove so timely! Scarcely had I written about my Evanescence experience, only to discover that we had tickets to the Symphony. Hey, no problem.... I like the symphony. We have one of those multipacks that you buy at the beginning of the year and then you choose which performances you would like to attend. Kind of gives you some flexibility. What I did not know was that my wonderful wife Pam had chosen 'Balletomania', for us to attend.

However, not only were we going to 'Balletomania' but somehow Pam managed to get seats that were 3 rows from the front! What I learned that night was that the first 3 rows of the Winspear auditorium are deemed 'too close' to the stage to be considered to be prime seats, which is why they were available for the performance. Pam figured that because there would be some ballet dancers performing, it might be good to be quite close. I should have become suspicious at that point, but life was moving too quickly last week for me to give it much thought.

The evening arrived: we put on appropriate attire, left the kids in the capable care of one of our babysitters, jumped in the car and off we went. It was a rare evening and the planets must have been in alignment or something, because we arrived early! Quite early actually. After taking in some of the live piano music in the foyer of the auditorium, we made our way to our seats: Row C, seats 105 and 106 (guessing on the seats, but definitely Row C!!)

I have to admit that it was a new experience being that close to the members of the symphony. Usually we're up in the 1st balcony, but from Row C, you can see the wedding rings on their fingers! My suspicions should have been peaked again, when I noticed that only 3 people were in the row in front of us, with NOBODY being in the first row. However, I was quite content to enjoy my Row C experience. For the time being that is!

The first number was nice and warmed everybody up. I was excited that the conductor, Ormsby Wilkins, was from Australia, and he certainly didn't disappoint. Following the opening number (and throughout the night) he took a microphone and spoke to the audience, providing some very interesting bits of information about the upcoming pieces.

On to the 2nd piece: The conductor had informed us (as did the program) that this would be first of two pieces that would be accompanied by dance. The music began and suddenly from the right side of the stage, a female dancer came out, accompanied by a male dancer. Now to the trained and experienced, this probably would be totally expected. However, from my ignorant perspective, given the small area of the stage set apart for the dance portion, I was NOT expecting a male dancer as well.

You have to keep in mind that from Row C, you are actually looking UP at the stage (slightly) and thus, not only was I entirely TOO close to this strapping young man in white tights, but I was forced to look UP at him as he leapt around the stage. Men in tights are simply not my thing; maybe they do it for some people, and perhaps if I had a body like those dancers, I too would be tempted to wear tights.... okay, forget that... not in a million years!

I've been to the Ballet before and I've been fairly close to the stage before and I've seen men in tights before (much to my dismay, I might add!), and I also need to admit my ignorance when it comes to Ballet, but I must ask: WHY, O why did the man have to wear WHITE tights? Why not another color? Perhaps a darker color that might blur the lines and curves that nobody really needs to see! But not only was he wearing white tights, but WHY, O WHY did he choose to wear a blue thong?? Was it necessary? I suppose I can understand the reason, but did it have to be BLUE? Clearly no thought had been given to the poor souls in Row C who would have an upward gaze toward the valley of the blue thong!

I turned to Pam and whispered to her, "You owe me!", to which she burst into silent laughter. I admit, I laughed too!

Now, while I will say that there was WAY too much 'package' seen that night, the dancing itself was very beautiful. I'm not a huge fan, and a lot of the movements and such are beyond my appreciation. On a musical note, I learned a lot. It was kind of a 'best of' ballet night, highlighting several Ballet pieces that are extremely famous (known even by me!); yet I had no idea that the music was made for Ballet. Overall it was a fun evening, and I kept Pam laughing throughout the night with comments similar to what I'm writing here.

So if you ever get a chance to go to the Winspear, check out Row C. The view is quite something!

Thursday, January 18, 2007

A Medical Rant

A lot has been written about the state of medical care here in Canada, and by and large, I have not had too many complaints, admittedly because I'm fairly healthy. However, recent events in my life have changed that!

For the past 2 months I have had a running injury, where some tendons in my shin (that wrap down into my foot, to provide stability) have been quite inflamed. For 5 weeks I dutifully went to physiotherapy, paying the $45 up front, with the understanding that I would be able to recoup the money through my benefits. When I did submit, (5 weeks and several hundred dollars later!!) I was informed (3 weeks later) that because I did not have a doctors note, they would not cover the expenses. The thing is that you don't require a doctor's note to go to a physio and the physio office told me that they would provide me with a 'determination of need' form which would satisfy my benefits provider. But NOOOOO, that wasn't good enough!!! :(

To add to it all, it's been nearly 2 months now, and while I am back to some running, the tendons have not totally healed up. (so why am I running again you ask? well, I'm in a running clinic, training for a half marathon at the beginning of March, plus I'm going slightly iNsAne from not being able to run! Just ask my wife!) So I decided that I wanted to go to a real sports injury doctor and get the solid goods on what's going on in my tendons. Simple right? NOOOOOOO.

I'd heard that getting into the Glen Sather clinic required a doctor's note, but just to make sure I went to the clinic to ask; yes, indeed, you need a reference. So off I go to the local medi-clinic by my house to get a note from doctor A in order to see doctor B! I get to the clinic and find that it's a 2 HOUR wait, which is more time than I can spare, so I climb back into my car, left wondering what my next move is.

Then I get smart: I talk to my friend, Dr. Eddie Chang and explain what's happening and ask him if he could write me doctor's note, which, Eddie graciously does. So you'd expect that this will work out, right? NOOOOOOO.

Today I went to the Glen Sather clinic, gave them the note and was promptly told that the note was good enough to get me in to see their physiotherapist, but NOT to see one of the doctors. (despite Eddie specifically saying that he recommended that I see a sports medical doc!) What do they need you might be asking. Me TOO! They require a reference LETTER. Who knew!

So, off I go to my dentist appointment today, and on my way back, still steaming over the Sather clinic episode, I stop in to the regular medical clinic, just in case they might be able to take me in, seeing how I had 45 min. before my next appointment at work. However, as I suspected, the wait was nearly 1.5 hours long. I left, got into my car, still steaming.

I knew that the medical clinic is open until 10 p.m. at night, so I thought to myself: 'okay, I'll put the kids to bed and then shoot over to the clinic'....surely I'll be able to get in at 9:30 at night, so close to closing. Right? NOOOOOOO.

My heart sank as I entered the clinic to see 7-8 people languishing in the seats of the waiting room, disease and sickness surely lingering in the air. I approached the desk to inquire (again!) and was told that the wait was still about 1.5 hours!

All I want is to see a sports injury doctor about my tendons! That's all! Is it really so much to ask? (gasp!)
Tune in again for the next chapter in the continuing saga!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

A Night Out

Last night Pam and I went to the Evanescence concert. Now I need to clarify that I went because Pam really wanted to and she bought the tickets! It was quite a show, one that left me feeling quite old! I just couldn't get into it very much. I guess it's the genre of music, but I don't like the grinding guitar sounds that seem to make most heavy metal songs sound pretty much the same (at least to me!).

There were two opening bands, and the first was totally awful; I mean they were a full on garage band for sure. There was this guy behind us who was WAY to enthusiastic about is all. I said to Pam that he really should have splurged for better seats because up where we were, not too many people were as verbally into things as he was!

Then came the 2nd band, which was called Stonesour. Frankly they sounded a lot like a Metallica-type group to me. For sure a step up musically from the first band, and I found out today in the paper that the lead singer was the lead guy from Slipknot, the psycho looking group that somehow reminds me of the evil guy from the original SAW movie. I know that it's part of the performance and all, but I just was totally turned off by the profanity laced lyrics and rants he went on. Oh well, what can you do. Oh, again, perhaps this is somehow 'normal' at these things, but he kept taking a swig of water bottles and then throwing the rest of the water on the crowd. I was fairly amazing to watch him swing his head around, in the classic 'head-banger' style, but I kept wondering how he could do that without giving himself a vicious headache!!
Now that I've thoroughly demonstrated that I AM old, I'll move on to Evanescence:

Clearly I don't know much about this kind of music, but I thought the sound quality was pretty bad. Or was it just the way the music is supposed to sound? No, it can't be that, because I've heard a number of Evanescence songs on cd and they sounded considerably better on cd (some would argue that all songs sound better on cd b/c of production...maybe true).
What was interesting was that in today's Edmonton Journal, the review of the concert said that the sound was surprisingly good; while the review in the SUN said the exact opposite, that the sound was brutal. Who's right? I don't know. All I do know is that I couldn't understand a lot of what Amy Lee was saying/singing and I needed to read the quotes in the papers today to get most of what she said. (I caught bits and pieces). One thing everybody seems to agree on is that Amy Lee has an amazing voice.

At this point, you may be wondering WHY I went in the first place, given that it doesn't sound like it was a good experience. I liked Pam's perspective: she's got diverse tastes; one month we go to Evanescence and the next we go to the opera or the symphony. So why did I go? I like spending time with my wife, and going with her did make the night a lot of fun. I also go to the ballet with her, and believe me, that's quite a bit tougher for me to get into than Evanescence!!

So there's my evening. Even though it wasn't exactly my favorite musical experience, it was still a lot of fun!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Quite a response

Well this past Sunday (Jan. 7) I spoke a message at The Canopy that evoked quite a response. Usually I don't get any comments and presumably, people forget the message by the time lunch is over, but this Sunday was different. In some ways I'm not surprised. I spoke on the theme of repentance and issued a call to us at The Canopy to begin the year by coming back to the Lord in repentance.

I got written responses, some emails and even met with somebody about it. Actually most people were quite positive in their feedback, but when you preach on the message of repentance, it does go deeper than some other topics. I think it's because it is so central to the gospel. The message of forgiveness is much easier to accept than the message of repentance, but quite clearly BOTH are essential parts of the gospel.

As I spoke with one person this week about the message, I mentioned the fact that my main desire in the message was to speak to our 'heart condition', calling us (myself included for sure) as The Canopy to repent and turn to the Lord regarding the condition of our hearts. While I was corrected for my reference to Rev. 3:16 and my failure to recognize that God is not inviting us to be 'spiritually cold', my main point was again to illustrate the state of the heart. (and yes, I am aware that in context, Jesus is speaking to their works/deeds and the reference is to Laodicea's insipid water supply and the calcification on the pipes that resulted:)

At any rate, my focus right now is to return to the Lord in simplicity and humility, through prayer. I believe that this is the path that we must take in order to see God moving more freely in our midst. I believe that coming to God with this kind of heart will allow God to change us, mold us and use us in amazing ways in 2007. No matter where any of us is at in our spiritual journey, this posture can only draw us closer to God.

Like I said, most people who commented were touched in their spirits by the Lord on Sunday; I didn't get raked over the coals at all. People were quite gracious; it certainly got people thinking (positively and perhaps negatively as well) and wrestling a bit more with the issue of repentance.

Personally, I am still very impacted by Ps. 130 and the picture of hope that comes in repentance. I'd never seen that or heard that before until the Lord drew my attention to it:

"If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

O Israel, put you hope in the Lord
for with the Lord is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins."


Amen Lord! Let it be.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

What am I after, really?

Today I was challenged again by the Lord about my concepts of success. I want to be successful and I don't think that is wrong in itself, but often my ideas of what that looks like are distorted and influenced more by this world than by the Kingdom of God.

I think God has been striving with me for many years over this, and how it impacts my evaluations of ministry at The Canopy. The cult of numerical success (yes, the idea of 'size matters'!) in ministry is profound and despite my best efforts to remind myself of the ministry values of Jesus, somehow I continue to be drawn back towards a desire for numbers as a standard of success.

For years when I would run into people who would talk about numbers not mattering, I would silently decide that they were being pious and providing an excuse for the fact that the numbers simply weren't there, and that ultimately they DID care about numbers.

So here's where I'm currently at: I've settled the issue that God doesn't really care all that much about numbers as a measure of success; but I often DO.
I actually think that desire is shrinking in my life, but it's still there, so I might as well own up to it.

Anyway, here's a quote from Henri Nouwen that I found quite impacting:

"There is a great difference between successfulness and
fruitfulness. Success comes from strength, control, and
respectability. A successful person has the energy to create
something, to keep control over its development, and to make
it available in large quantities. Success brings many
rewards and often fame. Fruits, however, come from weakness
and vulnerability. And fruits are unique. A child is the
fruit conceived in vulnerability, community is the fruit
born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit
that grows through touching one another's wounds. Let's
remind one another that what brings us true joy is not
successfulness but fruitfulness."